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How to Effectively Start a Conversation on Dating Sites

Not getting responses on dating sites and apps is pretty normal. In fact, 71% of men’s first messages to women go unanswered. Sometimes, it’s the massive number of users — many of whom are your competitors — that causes your advances to end up ignored.

However, most messages end up disregarded because they are terribly constructed, boring, or disrespectful.

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First impressions are crucial in online dating. Your first message must be impactful enough to generate a response and lead a conversation. It must not be too short or too long.

Here are a few tips on how to effectively start a conversation on dating sites with a woman.:

Check her profile first

To start off, don’t just message a random someone with a generic one-liner. Women have had enough of men who only look at their profile pictures and comment solely about their looks.

She’ll most likely reply to someone who shows that he is genuinely interested in her. Take your time to check and assess her profile.

If she has a dog, and you’re a fellow dog lover, you might want to bring it up. Or, if her profile shows that she’s well-traveled, and you’re someone who’s been to quite a lot of places, you might as well mention it.

To her, you will come off as a genuinely interested person who made the effort to review her profile. You’re someone who’s truly interested in finding a match and not just some hook-up or fling.

Mind your grammar and spelling

This one’s very basic, but many men overlook this factor. Studies have found that people who don’t pay enough attention to their grammar on dating apps are 14% less likely to get a response. Women, in particular, are said to be more particular with grammar than men.

Using correct grammar and spelling doesn’t only ensure you’re sending a clear message, it’s also a way to show that you’re an eloquent guy subtly. You don’t have to be an expert with words — just don’t misspell or misuse them.

Don’t write multiple paragraphs

If one-liners aren’t effective, so are multiple paragraphs in your first message. There are way too many guys who message her every day. She’ll most likely scan through these messages and see if anyone appeals to her.

She will not devote five minutes to reading your long message. Unless you’re someone already under her radar or have a very impressive background – she’ll spend no time reading beyond your first sentence. More so if the content only highlights her looks and nothing else.

Ask a question

You’ll most likely get a reply if you send a question instead of a statement. It’ll be easier for her to reply if all she has to do is simply answer.

But don’t just ask her a “yes or no” question. Your conversation will fizzle out quickly. Meanwhile, open-ended questions will most likely lead to deeper, longer conversations.

Be respectful

Your first message should leave an impression, but not at the expense of being respectful. Yes, you want to come off as unique, interesting, fun, and a little playful, but you should know your boundaries.

If you think starting off vulgar or controversial will get her to notice you — then no, it doesn’t. It could work if you’re looking for a hookup or a casual date. But, if you’re looking to date someone seriously and long-term, coming off as disrespectful is a big NO.

Initiating conversations on dating sites can also be as hard as initiating one in person. If you don’t put enough effort into your introduction, your opener might never flourish into an actual, meaningful conversation.

This story was originally published on Medium: How To Effectively Start A Conversation On Dating Sites


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